Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
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