that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
Before you say anything, my vagine does NOT discriminate against young dads
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
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