I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
It'll be like the burning bush except without moses and with pubes.
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
Jameson and I invented street rugby last night. Yeah
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Randomize