the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize