she tasted like a mixture of sweat and destiny
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
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You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
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Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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