If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe I am actually paying for a night in a hotel for my parents so I can throw a party the night before Christmas Eve. I also can't believe they think it's their Christmas present.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
so this maintenance guy stood at the corner of my cubical and scratched his balls for like a full minute cause he thought no one could see him
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
That’s talent right there. Maverick and Goose type shit.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
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