the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
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I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
So last night I learned something new. Whenever I drink beer out of a bottle a random guy buys me another one. It was like as soon as the glass hit my lips every guy in a 20ft radius got a hard on.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
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Twist to Josh's story, he had a gyro in his hand and never dropped it even after he got knocked the fuck out
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
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