new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
I can't turn off my feet"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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