Excuse me? I'm weird? You're the one sticking your penis into a pringles can.
I found my laptop, credit card, and a bottle of Morgan all on the counter this morning. I'm scared to see what gets delivered to my house this week.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
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he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
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we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
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