They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
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You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
He left a trail of vomit straight from our dorm to the bathroom. Looks like we have our identities for the rest of the year.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
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I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Do you ever look at your life and go "i'm too sober for this bullshit"?
Every day of my life.
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