I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
It's scary that my vibrator is a dangerous weapon. I want a new one.
He shit in the fireplace
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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