grandma shit on top of the toilet
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I got asked if I was pregnant as a pickup line
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize