Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All those movies are bullshit, there is no way to run down a line of parked cars, they`re too far apart. my faces hurts so much right now
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
Randomize