Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
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