Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Emergency need house key where r u I just got shit o n
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we were shitfaced at work by 8pm. I had to stop myself from pouring vodka in everyone's cappuccino.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Randomize