Hotel room at 3 am. She's 42. Stockings and heels. All because I opened with a joke about cougar hunting. We'll high-five later.
All I heard was "I swear it'll be funny" and then we were in jail.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
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