i wish there were pregnant emoticons
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
You don't know the capacity of my vagina
it looks like a nuclear can of fuck blew up in here
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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