Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
someone get that fucking seahorse.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
Just had a flashback of dry humping a man lying in the street while Jim (dressed as santa) screams 'HAVE YOU BEEN A GOOD BOY?!'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up to the best idea ever. Vodka infused BUTTER. Take a second, and think of the possibilities.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
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