I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
Randomize