So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Quick! What do I wear on a 4 hour road trip with an older guy in the army I had pantomime sex with in a hotel a few months ago?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize