just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
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We need to play Chardee MacDennis. Contact me when you have an available date. This is not a question.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I wish men found my impeccable aim when spitting into the sink attractive.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
So my best friends wedding ended with everyone seeing me getting eaten out behind the forbes church. Classy!
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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