considering you've had every STD known to man, you think if i sent you a picture of my dick (no homo) you could tell me whats growing on it?
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
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