I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
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All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
So much rum. So many feels.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
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