Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
You know how hard it is to jerk off in a bathtub with a dog staring at you?
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
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