I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
so whats your words to drink to for the state of the union? mine are 'change' 'fight' and 'you know'.
mine is 'the'.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
He said I could pay him back in blow jobs. What's the going rate for those these days?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
Randomize