and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize