So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
If she doesn't judge me for bringing my vibrator in the tanning bed, I know she is a true friend.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If those antibiotics mean you can't drink, ya might as well pack your bags and re-enroll next fall, because sobriety this week would be social suicide.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
Randomize