I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
Nothing says I'll be 22 tomorrow like washing the vomit out of your hair at 4pm
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Randomize