I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
You say "arrested with two drunk girls" like it's a bad thing....
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
I like shiny stuff tho if that’s an emotion
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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