Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
When he gets asked "is it in?" more than his name you arent missing out on much more than a petite tampon.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
When I get off work and you're not around to hang out with all I do is lay around in my underwear and eat potatoes.
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
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