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I can't breathe out the right side of my face
someone owes me an orgasm
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
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