My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
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We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
Texas awaits me. And all the cocks that live there too.
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He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
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