what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
Went to a date party without a date and had a threesome wooops
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
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