Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
I bought the tickets, he brought the weed. thanks to you, we had to roll a joint out of my bible paper.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
Dude he was a used car salesman for his friends' penises. I know I have something here that's right for you!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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