Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
martini and pecan pie.. breakfast of champions.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Yikes. I usually have a 24-hour waiting period between sex partners. You know, like for a handgun.
She woke me up with an urgent call telling me she was rolling on Mollie and swimming in the ocean. I mean that's just great. If she drowns, I'll feel responsible.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just used a beer funnel to put gas in my car
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Randomize