My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
He was Jesus for Halloween and I definitely got on my knees and gave him praise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
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