WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
I'm just gonna start letting dudes eat it. American idol for my vagina
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize