i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
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so when he was about to cum, he screamed his mother's name and continued to pray for forgiveness. wtf
yeah, it's no longer just 'day drinking' when it's 5pm and you're knocking over fruit displays at fresh market
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
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My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
am i the only one who finds it a little awkward seeing as we all made out last night?
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