Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I know we were going to go hiking today, but I don’t think I can face reality until Wednesday
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
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