Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
You were lost on foot. Texted us and told us that N*Sync couldn't save you, and then you "met Jesus" in your car.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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