So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Let's face it. We both have sexy parts. Why not have them touch?!
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I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
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Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Everyone says I win the strip club
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize