Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
Ps we ordered a pizza at the pool today and I dropped the entire thing in the pool. We still ate it. #canthang
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I said "one day" and that day is not today
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize