I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
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I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
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We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
It was get out of line and go pee and get no beef briskit. Or stay in line, pee my pants, but have beef briskit. I really wanted my beef briskit
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