Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
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