Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
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I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
We had a deepthroating contest with breadsticks at Olive Garden
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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