I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Please tell me you're throwing the cats into this foot of snow.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
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