A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
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