to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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