I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
dude I just got a noise complaint from my apartment people for loud sexual activities. I'm framing this for sure
Worrying about "What smells like cat pee?" is so much easier than worrying about "What am I doing with my life?"
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
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