phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
theres a difference between trying to make someone happy and letting them fuck you in the ass
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
He compliments me like a gay guy and fucks me like a starved nympho. I'm in love.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
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